God is doing a lot of the decorating in Franklin, TN, by the way. Every freaking store we walked in that smelled of grandma’s funeral had wood plaques to hang on walls and office cubicles and outdoors and pretty much any free vertical space, with sayings like “as for me and my family, we will serve The Lord” (as opposed to serving Nicole and Keith), and other random bible verses. These plaques are for sale along with the $95 burlap hand embroidered throw pillows and the $500 linen quilt covers and more really wang-smelling candles than you could honestly shake a stick at, so these wealthy women must be buying them up and hanging them somewhere.
So you sort of expect you’d walk into Nicole and Keith’s and there would be real art hanging everywhere, several Warhol’s and maybe a few small Picasso drawings and even a small Rembrandt in Nicole’s Room, but what if, oh no please no, what if Nicole actually has Bible Verses Painted On Wood Boards hanging in her house? I think I would crumple into a puddle on the floor and cry so sadly that Keith would be forced to write a song about me.