There is this new summer fashion trend that I’ve noticed growing in popularity over the past few years here in Kentucky, but it has now reached epic proportions and someone must speak out about it. I’m talking about mom’s who not only let their young teenage daughters dress like hookers (“It’s just what’s in fashion” – No Mom, it’s just what Hookers wear in back alleys on a weekend), but then blithely following through even deeper into bad taste by Mom Wearing Her Daughter’s clothes! Ladies, please, just because you can squeeze into something cheap and thin and made of stretchy polyester doesn’t mean “I can still wear her size!” It just makes you look, well, frankly, awful. You really shouldn’t be going out anywhere, even into your own garage, dressed like that. No matter how well preserved you are, no matter how many times you work out at the gym every week and do yoga and diet and get seaweed body wraps, you still are Never going to look good in your daughter’s clothing. You just are not. Period. Let go of that dream. You’re not still 12 and you honestly don’t want to be. So stopping acting a fool and stop wearing your kid’s clothes.
But that slap in the face brings us back around to What in the Hell were You Thinking in the first place when you allowed her to (a) buy, and (b) wear these clothes in the first place? Lolita is not a healthy fashion choice. Baby Hooker is never an acceptable fashion statement for your child, unless you’re hoping to sell your child on the open market as a sex object you sick cow. What does this particular fashion statement say about your parenting skills? It says YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO BUSINESS BEING A PARENT. It says YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA HOW TO SET BOUNDARIES AND MAKE RULES AND YOUR CHILD WILL LIVE MOST OF HER ADULT LIFE IN THERAPY AND/OR JAIL BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT IT WAS “CUTE” FOR HER TO DRESS WITH MUCH TOO MUCH OF HER BARELY EXISTENT BREASTS SHOWING AND HER PRIVATES BARELY COVERED. Seriously, and you call yourself a Mother?
Even if by some miracle you actually do wear exactly the same size clothes as your 12-year old daughter, and it’s not as a result of your anorexia or her childhood obesity, you should still Never, Ever Share Clothes. There are presumably approximately 20 or more years between the two of you, and as the older one (the Mom)(not the best friend, dammit, but the Mom), we all hope you’ve blossomed and grown into a wonderful, amazing woman who has her own sense of style and grace and would never force her own sophisticated and mature tastes on her 12-year old daughter and allows her to express herself through fashion but still insists on full approval of anything and everything said 12-year old buys and wears while she’s living under your roof, so that she will hopefully, eventually, someday grow and blossom into the independent young woman you raised her to be, and not the hooker you almost dressed her like.