So I’m stalking through Beyond Bed and Bath and Linen Things, searching fruitlessly for something made of 100% natural materials, when I overhear the following conversation between a She and a He in the aisle next to me:
“What do you think? The brown and teal striped sheets or the orange and pink floral sheets?”
“I’m really uncomfortable answering that question.”
“What do you mean, uncomfortable? I just want to know your opinion.”
“I don’t think I get to have an opinion about your sheets”
Her voice suddenly goes up a half-pitch as her vocal cords constrict.
“Why not? You slept on them last night. You enjoyedmy sheets last night. You were all excitedto be in a girl’s bedroom, you said, and you thought it was so sexy the way it was decorated and everything.”
What a bitch, I thought to myself.
“I don’t know what I said last night” he responded.
Her voice rose a half-pitch higher, and louder.
“I just told you what you said last night. Don‘t you remember saying how beautiful my bedroom was and how beautiful I was?”
Maybe more than a bitch, I thought.
“I don’t know what I said last night” he repeated.
A full pitch higher this time, and quite a bit louder.
“YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME.”
“I don’t know what I said last night. I was drunk. I didn’t ask to come sheet shopping with you this morning, I thought you said we were going out for Bloody Marys so my head will stop pounding and instead you bring me here and want to know which f**king pair of sheets I like and I DON’T F**KING CARE.”
And he walked out.
“YOU BASTARD!” She screamed after him. “You f**king bastard” she muttered when he didn’t stop. She didn’t follow him. I wondered how he was going to get home, but guessed he’d call a buddy or his mom or somebody to come pick him up.