True Story/Urban Legend

So there is this chick riding my bumper on the way home tonight, which is a common practice amongst chicks in Kentucky because apparently that’s all the driver’s education we provide our daughters, “just find some guy who looks like he knows what he’s doing and follow him”, and she’s not paying attention to anything except the phone in one hand and the cigarette she’s smoking with the other hand, hanging it out the window because apparently she can’t afford an ash tray in her car.  And like all cigarette smokers who feel the need to hang their cancer sticks out the window, she threw it down when she finished instead of butting it out inside her vehicle, because here in Kentucky we really don’t give a shit that cigarette butts are non-bio-degradable and just lay there on the roadside until Armageddon. 

BOOM!  KABOOSH!  Her whole damn car goes up like a freaking mini-nuclear explosion, I kid you not.  I actually could feel the pressure push my car forward, and I was very glad I drive like an old fart and have about 4 car lengths between myself and the next car because by the time I got my car back under control, I was almost in his back seat.

I don’t know if it was because of a spark or a leak or what, but her car went up loud and fast.  Cars behind me were swerving and driving into the ditch trying not to crash into her ball of flame, and the news reported that three other cars crashed because of her but nobody else died or anything.  She was obviously fried like an onion ring.  I didn’t even stop, because hell, what am I going to report?  “Yes, officer, she threw her cigarette out the window and that’s all she wrote.”?  Let them figure it out.  I just got my ass home and turned on the police scanner so I could listen to all the reports until the news came on and Nicki Burdine was all over it reporting on the 6:00 news with the fire ball still burning behind her. 

Let this be a lesson, kids.  Don’t smoke.  And if you do, don’t ash your damn cigarette out the window, and sure as shit don’t throw it out when you’re done because you might explode. 

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