Please forgive me. I hate that girl so much that today, before she arrived to work, I spat in the seat of her chair and rubbed it into the upholstery so she wouldn’t see it but would sit in it all day.
I didn’t really. You know me, God, I’m one of your best Christians, right up there with Kirk Cameron and Stephen Baldwin. I would never Really do anything that hateful. But I thought about it. I did it in my heart. Like Jimmy Carter lusted in his heart, I spat in my heart.
So please forgive me for spitting in my heart. And I checked to make sure nobody was around and then I peed in her chair just a little bit as well. But I didn’t really.