I think I’m sort of addicted to espresso. We have a cheap home machine that gets very overused. I can’t even order a regular coffee at Starbucks anymore because I want a Red Eye with a shot of espresso because my whole world gets suddenly a little brighter and more vivid and I get a great deal more talkative and creative, or at least it seems so in my happy little fantasy world. We stayed at this rocking boutique hotel in NYC once that had an automatic espresso machine in the freaking lobby, and I was making double and triple espresso to go every time we walked in or out of the building and I was in pig heaven.

Speaking of heaven, my current idea of heaven is you walk through the golden gates and down the pearl-encrusted road and there is a huge brass and copper professional espresso machine that just dumps out shots on demand and you just sit around and drink espresso and have deep thought conversations with angels.

Margaret Cho refuses to hang out with me at all when I’ve been drinking espresso, because she says I am absolutely too irritating. But I think my dear friend and mentor Liza Minnelli put me in my place best when she looked me in the eye and said “Darling, you really must stop talking now. You’re not even saying words anymore, you’re just making noise.”

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