Women Drivers In Ohio

So I don’t know what it is about the water, or the air, or just the driver’s education women receive when raised in Ohio, but one can’t help but notice, when one accidently crosses the border over into that particular state, that the women behind the wheels of vehicles are screaming ranting insane entirely incapable of rationality beings.  Road Rage seems to be a matter of fashion and choice, for the women of Ohio.  In the stores, the malls, and the groceries, they are delightful, friendly even, always polite, and normally very well groomed.  Put them behind the wheel of a Ford or a Toyota and they mysteriously turn into an alien being intent on screaming our their own larynx, as well as actually wearing out the horn on their steering wheel. 

And they won’t stop.  Once you’ve pissed off one, she’ll stay with you forever, right up on your bumper, or right immediately in front of you speeding up and slowing down, trying to cause you to fender bend her so she can legally hop out and shoot your ass dead.  You see her, in her rear view mirror or yours, or pulled up dangerously close beside you in the next lane, screeching and throwing you the bird and calling you every foul word you’ve ever heard and some you may actually have never heard before because Ohio women keep secret swear words hoarded up for just such occasions.  You are evil incarnate, because you cut her off, or passed her, or honked at her to stop f**king texting and start driving when the light turned green, and now she cannot forgive you ever, until you lay dying and begging for forgiveness. 

I’m serious, these Ohio chicks but the C in the C-word.  But it’s only when they’re behind the wheel.  I do not know why.  But I’m terrified to drive in Ohio because sooner or later one will kill me. 

Oddly, the men do not give a flying shit.  Ohio men are the most laid back drivers in the entire history of the universe.  I guess it’s just a reflexive action, or a learned behavior, to help deal with the constant barrage of women turning into schrewish hags all around you, like a movie nightmare.  The guys just don’t even blink, or look, or acknowledge the women, because they understand that life is more important than some insane bitch behind the wheel of a vehicle that can be used as a deadly weapon. 

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