So poor Michael Jackson must be rolling over in his grave. His most famous dance video of all time, Thriller, has become one large Halloween parade in every freaking burg in Kentucky and probably every freaking burg in the USA. Lexington has a Thriller Parade. Georgetown has a Thriller Parade. Lawrenceburg has a Thriller Parade. Frankfort has a Thriller Parade. I suspect Cynthiana has a Thriller Parade, but nobody there cares enough to go see it. Nobody has a Halloween Parade anymore, but everyone has a Thriller Parade.

Why this over-abundance of Thriller parades? Because we keep little bo-hunk dance classes for little awkward girls and boys (but the vast majority girls)(let’s be honest, this is Kentucky, it’s All Girls; they take little boys who want to dance out behind the barn and shoot them) enrolled and paying weekly and coming back for more, because if nothing else, they get to Perform and Be Seen by the Public in all the parades in whatever little backwoods town they might be located in, and people will actually show up for the Thriller Parade who are normally too drunk or lazy to show up for the Veterans Day Parade or the Memorial Day Parade, but those little girls will be there, dancing their asses off, with their faces painted up like little bitty hookers and more glitter than the Liberace museum ever dreamed of.

Obviously, the Jackson family are stressing about finances, now that their one profitable member has passed, and the whole clan Expects to continue living in the luxury to which they have become accustomed, but now that they’ve lost the big lawsuit, they’re going to have to do something for cash, and hell, why not Sue all these little burgs for defiling the memory of the great and mighty gloved one and his Extremely copy written music and dance moves? Sue every little burg with a Thriller parade, and very soon, Jacksons, you will own America.

But, one hopes the Jacksons will simply see it as a living legacy to the greatest talent of our times, a yearly tribute to the King of Pop, a loving memory of Michael and a big kiss from the world. It’s weird as hell, that an old Pagan holiday has evolved into Trick or Treat and then “It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” and now into the Thriller Parade. The things our society carries forward over time are amazing.

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