Veterans Day Wank

As a state employee, one of the few unsung benefits I get to enjoy, besides the constant overworked/underpaid/buried alive feeling I get to roll around in each day, is Paid State Holidays. Yes, state and federal employees still get paid vacation days on holidays that nobody really celebrates in a big way anymore, like Veterans Day or Memorial Day, plus all the Christian holidays like Good Friday and Christmas. So today, being Veterans Day, I got a paid day off to stay home and sleep late, which I did. And once I awoke, I did what any red-blooded American Man will do when given some peace and quiet and free time — I wanked.

Men wank much more than we admit to anyone. Certainly we wank more than we have sex with another person. Our dominant hands became our best friends at a fairly young and impressionable age, and you don’t have to take your hand out to dinner and a movie in order to get laid. The pursuit of actual sex with a second party is exhausting, which is why most of us eventually get married, so it’s just there when we want it, but even then we wank pretty often. Several Times A Week. Daily. Several Times A Day. It just depends on our mood.

In the shower. While sitting on the toilet. While in the john at work. In the car at a long red light. We don’t care. We just get hard and get off and get on with our lives and everyone is happy.

So I wanked this morning, and then in the shower I considered wanking again, but instead I got to thinking about all the current military and recent veterans who have come home to us alive but with bits and pieces missing. Specifically, many of them are coming home without some of the limbs they left with. Specifically, many of them are coming home without their dominant hand. Which is tragic. Especially for men, but for women also. That dominant hand has been the best friend ever since we became aware of our ability to pleasure ourselves. To wake up in a strange hospital and realize That Specific Part of you is missing must be horrific.

So tonight, those of you with significant others who have lost said dominant limb, tonight, get your lover off manually. No matter how good the sex normally is, I promise you, your partner is missing the feel of fingers, and even though it’s never the same when someone else wanks you off, it still connects us back to a primal and important pleasure that might make the difference between just another day and a pretty great day.

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