So here’s how we do gift wrap in Kentucky: We spend hours shopping for and standing in line to pay for the perfect gift wrap and ribbon and bows and gift tags and gift bags and tissue paper, in Wal-Mart, or K Mart, or if you’re gay, Hallmark. Some of our mother’s wrap presents as they buy them, but most of us wait until the last minute and then spend the entire weekend before Christmas hunched over a table or the floor, wrapping presents.
Once said present is wrapped and placed under the tree, they look lovely for a few days until the gift recipient comes to visit and the present gets opened. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are the primary gift opening days, but we squeeze in all sorts of other events as well. We’re all kids at heart, so the gift wrapping gets ripped off, the paper tossed aside, and we try to make a big hairy deal of whatever the hell it is we just opened, so that the gift giver feels good even if it is only a damn Chia Pet.
And then Dad stuffs all the wrapping paper and ribbons and bows into the fire place and burns it all. The modern version of the yule log, only the ceremony attached to this burning is just to get all that damn paper out of the floor.