Straight Man’s Heaven in Kentucky

So I happen to glance at the security cam in the lobby this afternoon, and I notice a perfectly normal looking woman pull her telephone out of her purse, and, following polite protocol unlike most people, she turns away from the crowd in the lobby, presumably so she can have a more private conversation, and in so turning away from the crowd she turns directly into the security camera, and one can’t help but notice this chick has monstrous breasts. I’m not talking softballs. I’m not talking basketballs. I’m talking well sized pumpkins that any kid would be proud to make a jack-o-lantern out of. Huge. F**king. Boobs. Really big.

This woman is obviously not a porn star. Looking at the rest of her all put together, one assumes she has borne and breastfed several children and has been blessed by large boob genes. But, one also wonders, how in the hell does she manage to stand upright?

And then, like the first act finale of a burlesque Broadway show, she crosses her arms while speaking on the telephone, and they (her arms) have to actually lay on top of them (her boobs). It’s like Linus and Charlie Brown leaning on the wall and having a conversation, and the wall is just a little bit high, since they’re kids, so all you see is elbows and faces, and this woman looks Exactly Like That. Only it’s her boobs instead of a brick wall in a cartoon.

If I were a straight man, I probably would have enjoyed my job more than normal today. As it was, my gay jaw dropped in amazement and awe.

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This entry was posted in Lost In Kentucky, Work Tales and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Straight Man’s Heaven in Kentucky

  1. The Linus and Charlie Brown description had me dying. Hilarious.

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