“Can’t Touch My Own Penis” Religion

So somewhere in our diverse society a new group has moved in and been noticed even within the backwoods state of Kentucky, and said group is mostly noticed because, apparently, based strictly on observation in communal men’s rooms and with no idea why or what the tenants of said new group’s religious beliefs are, but the basic thing one notices is apparently the men in this religion are not allowed to touch their own penises (the appropriate plural here is “penie” but who the hell knows that besides myself?). One notices because said religious minority in Kentucky actually takes paper towels from the dispenser and hold their penie wrapped in that while urinating. Not that I’m peeking, but one can’t help notice when they turn away from the urinal and rush to the trash can with the now tube-shaped paper towel for disposal.

How can you possibly raise a male child not to touch his own penis? It’s like telling the same child not to scratch an itch – not happening, mom and dad, there is indeed an itch and it will indeed be scratched, even at the risk of spreading poison ivy rash all over ones body.

Straight guys are so weird about other guys penie that they don’t even mention it, and straight guys will normally discuss anything having to do with bodily functions. But they’re afraid someone will think they were actually “looking” at this guys dick if they tell anyone about this unexpected experience they just had in the bathroom, so no one reports it but yours truly. Which is apparently the reason the Universe put me here in this particular lifetime, to report on other guys and their habits with their penises.

Whatever religion this is that doesn’t allow these poor guys to touch their own penises, you can be damn sure it isn’t Southern Baptist. Those guys tough their own penises all the freaking time….

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