Superior Customer Service in Kentucky

So, yesterday we had an irate client who took out her rage on one of the phone reps.  And, she (the irate client) called back three times and somehow managed to get him (the same phone rep) on the line every time.  By the third call, she was foaming at the mouth, so she left a voice message with his supervisor about what a horrible person he was and she wanted a call back immediately blah blah blah. 

I had the supervisor escalate the call to me, to call back today. 

After some investigation, it turns out the phone rep did his job exactly, and provided the client with the correct information as he could see it.  Unfortunately, one of the other units hadn’t updated the system with appropriate notes, so he couldn’t see that certain documents had been received, and therefore concluded and advised the client that the documents hadn’t been received.  I verified from two different employees who had overheard his side of the conversation that he never became inappropriate or rude or unprofessional.

So, I call the client back this afternoon, after she has had adequate time to cool down (because we don’t give a shit what you demand in a voice mail, if you’re obviously in an insane rage, we’re going to wait awhile and hope you feel better after a good nights sleep). Once she figured out who I was and what it was about, she immediately launched into how horrible this poor phone rep was to her and how she felt disrespected and blah blah blah.  I apologized, and assured her that’s not how we do business in this office, and assured her that this particular phone rep is normally extremely professional and polite, and tried to explain the conflicting information she had received yesterday without pointing fingers at the dumbass in another section who didn’t do their job so he couldn’t do his job.

Not good enough.  I’m just making excuses for him, says she.  I don’t tell her I’ve already verified from two other employees that the miscommunication in attitude was apparently on her side, not his.  I just apologize.  And she wants to speak to MY supervisor, because I’m not being helpful.  And I hear the straw snapping, breaking the camel’s back.

“Ma’am, I’ll tell you what,” says I, turning on my deepest vocal register with the sexy Marlboro Man sex fantasy voice that typically calms even the most irate female.  “You’re obviously not going to be happy with anything I say, or anything anyone says, at this point.  So why don’t I just walk over to his desk, right now, and cut his nuts off for you?  And then I’ll mail them to you.  Will that make you happy?”

“YES YES YES,” cries she, “THAT IS THE ONLY SATISFACTORY RESOLUTION FOR ME!”

So I did.  Because that’s how we conduct superior customer service in Kentucky. 

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