Just Another Day In Kentucky State Government

So, I’m coming back to work from lunch, and entering the building, I get behind this large-ish woman with an enormous arse, and as we get to the door, her big awful purse starts shrieking some horribly inappropriate country-western song about truckers and big-boobied women. So said large-ish woman stops in her tracks, sets her awful purse on the ground, roots around it in for fully 30 seconds while the shrieking music continues, finally locates her telephone, takes it out, stands upright, and finally, answers her telephone. And proceeds to stand there and begin a conversation.

So I attempt to step around her, to the security card reader, so that I may enter the building. And because I’m now politely but obviously forcing myself into her space, she drops her telephone to her side and issues a loud and obnoxious “Excuse Me?” in my ear. So I stand my ground and issue an “Excuse Me!” back and tell her “I’m trying to enter the building” and she responds “I’m trying to speak to my daughter on the telephone!” and I respond “I don’t care if you’re trying to speak to Jesus Christ on the telephone, because if you were, the first thing he’d tell you is to move your fat ass and stop blocking the goddamn door!”

You’d think the fact that I’m a manager and I wear a suit and tie as opposed to her in her stretch pants and K-Mart t-shirt would be somewhat intimidating to her and help us avoid these awkward situations, but here in Kentucky, it’s just one more good reason to start a fight. My arm was scratched and bleeding when we finished, but I’m pretty sure she’s going to have a black eye tomorrow.

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