Scrapbooking Dildos For Jesus

So I just can’t wait until Hobby Lobby gets a load of the newest Christian Women’s Group fad and fundraiser that’s quickly sweeping Kentucky and will very soon sweep the entire United States, and then how exactly will our moral compass Hobby Lobby deal with this?

The Christian Women’s Groups have finally acknowledged that yes, they really do have sexual feelings, and That’s OK With God. So some enterprising babe took her supplemental income of selling sex toys to women at parties held in their homes (The New Tupperware!) and spun that idea into holy sexuality and making oneself more sexually available to one’s husband, since one’s husband is of course the soul and center of any Christian Household.

So this chick (let’s call her Sally) has started having special sex toy parties specifically geared towards the Christian Women’s Groups, and of course, the Christian Women have Embraced the idea because many of them have never Had an orgasm before they tried one of Sally’s super-size dildos. And when Christian Women embrace something, they don’t let go easy and they just keep blowing it out of proportion until it takes on a life of its own. That’s how Christian Rock became acceptable (because every woman loves a bad boy with a guitar). And that’s how Scrapbooking your Dildo for Jesus got started.

These chicks don’t just buy dildos, they Decorate them. Mostly with stickers, because, they need to stay more or less smooth in order to accomplish their main goal, which is entry into the holy sanctuary. But they’re putting little crosses and picture of Jesus and (my favorite) Hallelujah! in big letters right down the side.

Ya gotta buy all these stickers someplace. And do you think Hobby Lobby will have a moral objection to selling religious stickers specifically designed to decorate dildos to good Christian Women’s Groups when perhaps they should be riding their husbands instead? And how long, exactly, before Hobby Lobby realizes that they can actually sell the dildos too, because the profit margin on those things is remarkable.

Can you imagine the discussion among the “family” since Hobby Lobby is a small family-owned business? “Well, I object to providing my employees with contraceptives via their health insurance, but nobody is getting pregnant from a dildo, so maybe that’s OK”.

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