Please stop unlocking your naughty photos on Facebook and sending them to me via email. I do not know who you are. I’m gay, so I don’t give a shit about your naughty photos. I’m not a total idiot, so I realize your emails, which I receive practically every day, are sent from some third-world country trying to infect my computer with a virus and gain access to my private information, so all your emails go to my spam folder anyway.
But you’re annoying. The fact that there are extremely poor people sitting in a hut somewhere emailing the same shit to me every freaking day in exchange for the possibility of payment, if and only if I open the email and let the attachment infect my computer, which this stupid poor person has no way of knowing or verifying so he’s just believing the boss is telling the truth and not lying but he is lying and this poor sap will never see more than a few pennies for his efforts, is annoying as well. That some of my peers, and some of my elders, don’t have the sense to realize it’s a virus or a worm and click on this stupid email every day and then spend weeks and months and years trying to get their credit cleared and their identity reclaimed, annoys me so fiercely that I really wish you really were a real person, Adrianna, so I could hunt you down and smack the holy shit right out of you.
Because you, Adrianna, are the virtual embodiment of everything that makes stupid white men stupid. You might be sending photos of boobies. You might be sending photos of even more. And if I were a stupid white man, I would be so anxious to see that I would ignore the fact that I don’t f**king know anyone named Adrianna, and if I did, she probably wouldn’t be a slut who sends dirty pictures to people she hardly knows.