Mothers Who Text

So, my dear sainted Mother is learning how to text from my niece, and now she insists I text her instead of calling her because if she doesn’t practice, she’ll forget how, since she has nobody to text to besides my niece and myself because she’s a tad techno-phobic and doesn’t even use email very much. So tonight, I texted her about coming for a visit, and when I checked my phone later I had a text from her and a voice message from her, but the voice message was just the sound of her trying to text me back so I assume she hit the wrong button the first time she replied. But you’ve got to give the woman credit for trying.

I’m really lucky that I was several generations ahead of the current helicopter mom generation, who are absolutely the very worst in the entire world about texting and driving. It sucks. They, of all people, should be the most outraged at that act, due to the inherent danger to all passengers in the minivan with her, and the more inherent danger to every freaking car on the road with her.

How many people have to die before America stands up and says “Enough!”? Moms texting cause more casualties and disabilities than any other segment of our society (really truly, I saw it on Fox News), but they always are so horrified about what they’ve done and crying for the TV crews and shit that law enforcement lets them off the hook easy, because hey, they’re moms and everyone has a mom.

No Excuse, says I, lock the bitches up and throw away the keys! Take them out back and pistol whip them first. Texting and driving is bad, and if that’s what mothers are teaching their children today, we are truly at the end of our reign as the most powerful and wonderful country in the world. In twenty years, there will be nothing left of America but smoking empty mini-vans full of dead bodies, with cell phones message lights blinking on the pavement.

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