Translating Gay Thought To Straight Ears

“I was so happy today” says I to a coworker, “because I thought I saw you walking across the parking lot earlier and I wondered ‘where on earth did she get that ugly f**king purse?’ but then she turned around and It Wasn’t You!

And said coworker looked at me as if I were from outer space and speaking Martian and had a booger hanging from my nose and had recently stepped in dog poo.

I am amazed at how often the ever-queer thoughts in my head do not translate well into straight ears. I’d just paid this woman the hugest compliment in the world, and she didn’t even get it or begin to understand it. All she heard was “you” and “purse” and “The F-Word”.

There is most definitely a communication breakdown in America today, and most of it is the fault of straight people.

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