Chinese Buffet Manners In Kentucky

Overheard on the PA system at the local Chinese Buffet:

Excuse us, please, for interrupting your fine dinner of far-to-many unlimited crab legs and pudding, but we would like you to know: Here in America it is considered rude to eat with your hat on at the table.

We understand that this fine dining experience is in a strip mall in the middle of Nowhere, Kentucky. We appreciate the fact that many of us are not really Chinese, but are Korean, or Californian, because we all look alike to you, and that you overlook our presence in your community so long as we stay inside this fine dining experience buffet. We appreciate your business and the fact that you don’t seem to give a damn if we don’t speak your language, not because we can’t, but because we don’t want you to know we understand every prejudiced word that comes out of your fat mouths.

But even here, in this fine dining experience buffet in Nowhere, Kentucky, common manners dictate that you f**king hicks please now take off your dirty f**king feed-corn hats while you eat. You disgrace your ancestors and disrespect your wife, your daughter, your mother, and every female in the room by not taking off your hat while you eat. Please now take off your dirty f**king feed-corn hats while you eat. Thank you.

And then, the doors to the kitchen flew open and all the little Korean women who waitress and clear plates and bring Pepsi refills came screaming out, with great big honking samurai swords, and they cut off the heads off every single guy in the place wearing a feed-corn hat, which in this particular instance was 27 guys and three lesbians.

It was amazing. Myself and the Boyfriend were the only two males left in the room, but all the women just kept eating and sucking away on the unlimited crab legs and spooning up the pudding.

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