So, I’ve always had fairly hearty and robust conversations with the voices in my head. But as I’m Becoming Angel, I find there’s a new kid in town, and he is pretty f**king fierce.
The human voice whines about how much I hate my job and how much I hate my co-workers and how much I hate most people in general, and how much longer until lunchtime and why can’t I find my favorite shoes in black and why doesn’t anybody have any damn manners anymore.
The Angel Voice says HOW CAN I BE UNGREATFUL? HOW CAN I NOT APPRECIATE EACH AND EVERY MOMENT GIVEN TO ME? HOW CAN I NOT SEE THE BEAUTY IN EACH AND EVERY PERSON AND OBJECT I COME INTO CONTACT WITH, AND HOW CAN I NOT REALIZE THAT MY COMING INTO CONTACT WITH EACH AND EVERY PERSON AND OBJECT IS PART OF A MASTER PLAN SO GRAND THAT EVEN THE PLANNER CANNOT FULLY COMPREHEND IT? HOW CAN I NOT CRY WITH JOY AT THE BEAUTY OF A BROKEN BOTTLE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD? HOW CAN I NOT LOVE THE VERY BEST IN THE VERY WORST OF ALL HUMANS? HOW CAN I NOT STOP AND APPRECIATE THIS AMAZING JOURNEY CALLED MY LIFE AND SING PRAISES TO THE STARS AND THE PLANETS AND THE DUST AND THE TREES? HOW CAN I NOT FULLY JUST BE, AND UNDERSTAND THE HALLOWEDNESS OF THE BEING?
Just for clarification, the Angel Voice is not SHOUTING IN ALL CAPS like some idiot on Facebook. But this whole Angel thing is seriously Old Testament, with a voice like 1,000 voices speaking in unison, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing Hallelujah at the top of their voices, thunder from lightning that struck a little closer than anyone is comfortable with.
It’s getting loud inside my head, but I like it. And I’m trying not to speak very often, because I’m never really sure how the words that come out of my mouth will sound to a normal human, and I have no idea what those words might actually say if the Angel part decided to just kick it in and take completely over for a few minutes. I suspect it would cause riots and heart attacks….