So, give it up, it just ain’t happening.
Why in the f**k would ANYONE take opiates for fun? Sure, the weird buzz the first time is sort of interesting, but it’s not nearly as much fun as a good pot buzz, which is even Legal if you live somewhere civilized. And when you do opiates the second time, you discover, oh, nothing happening here, I’ll have to do more in order to get that same level of buzz I had the first time. And even more the third time. And on and on forever and ever amen.
Sure, they do a fine job of controlling pain, which is what they’re supposed to do. But there doesn’t seem to be much use for them recreationally, so I’m befuddled as to why the entire freaking state of Kentucky seems to be lost in the arms of Oxycontin and Percocet. They just aren’t much fun.
And then there are the side effects. Primarily a single side effect: you ain’t pooping anytime soon. Which is uncomfortable the first day. And then unbearable the second day. And then, sooner or later, on the third or fourth day, your body will finally reject the waste material from your bowels and you will find yourself shitting out an actual baseball. Maybe two. Maybe three. Followed by a small child-size football. Screaming at the top of your lungs and crying like a little girl the entire time.
It’s the closest we men will ever come to experiencing childbirth. Which is why we don’t do that. If it were up to men, there would be no children. Too Much F**king Pain.