I Love My Winkie!

So, a million years ago when I was in the third grade and we were just learning how to actually string words together to make sentences and string sentences together to make paragraphs, my class was assigned to each of us write a paragraph about “What I Love About Myself”, because this was the very early 70s and we felt teaching kids Good Vibes was an important part of the learning experience, and I wrote my first official paragraph, and turned it in for a grade, titled “I Love My Winkie!” which of course was about how much I loved my penis because I had recently been told by my classmates that boys have winkies and girls do not and all the boys couldn’t figure out how girls managed to pee much less live without winkies. I was sure I’d get extra credit for the appropriate usage of an exclamation point in my title sentence.

I was almost but not quite suspended for this creative writing, and had to see the school counselor once a week for the rest of the school year, which only goes to show that as much as things change, they don’t change very much.

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