Trapped In Kentucky, No Onions

So, yesterday it snowed all day. Big fluffy puffy beautiful Christmas card snow. All Over Kentucky. The Entire State. The weather guys were all so excited you couldn’t help but see their little nubbins sticking straight up in the air the entire time they were broadcasting, which was quite a while longer than the 4-hours Viagra and Cialis tell you to worry about. But they all seemed to enjoy it, and to my knowledge, none of them was hospitalized as a result.

It is “Our Most Significant Winter Weather Event since 1998”. Starting in the early evening on Sunday, everyone who was anyone from the Governor on down was issuing statements to the effect of “stay the hell home you idiots its going to get bad outside very soon very fast”. They closed all the schools and the vast majority of the businesses statewide, because once it finally started snowing on Monday morning, it didn’t stop until late Monday evening and because it was so fluffy puffy beautiful, it didn’t go anywhere. It just sat there in great heaps on the roads and could not be melted because the temperature was so cold as to render the salt trucks pretty much ineffective.

We were very lucky. It was very dry snow, so we didn’t get ice and we didn’t get power lines crashing to the ground, and as far as they’re reporting, most everyone still has power, so nobody is uncomfortable. We’re all just trapped. Even the stupid lugs who insist they must have 6-wheel trucks to drive back and forth to their job at K-Mart were skidding all over the roads, because 10 inches of snow is just not really made to drive in.

They canceled school again today, to give the scraper trucks time to try to scrape some of the snow out of the roads so cars can use them. It’s not going to melt off anytime soon, so they’re just trying to push it out of the way. The “official” word from the powers that be is “stay home if you’re not essential” but it’s amazing who thinks they are essential when they most definitely are not. The goddamn pet store down the road was open yesterday, because I suppose, someone might have needed emergency pet grooming.

So it’s nice, but it’s a little scary. We are very much used to having access to our vehicles at all times here in Kentucky, because we have no public transportation to speak of and quite frankly very few sidewalks, so if you want to go anywhere for any reason, you mostly have to drive. If you can’t even get out of your own driveway, or your subdivision, then the main roads don’t really concern you much because you’re not going anywhere soon and if you happen to be out of onions, you’ll just have to do without onions for another day or so.

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