Melting

So, this weekend we had yet another Winter Weather Event which basically shut down the whole state of Kentucky for several days. It began Wednesday night and didn’t really start melting off until Saturday and Sunday, and even then it takes a long time to melt off two feet of snow, because we actually got that much, which is more than I think I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

It’s very cool at first, because you have no real say in the matter, you’re trapped at home and so long as the power doesn’t go out, things won’t be too bad. It’s a great excuse to make soup, and more soup, and pasta and pizza and anything hot. The dogs loved it, they were like little kids outside, leaping up and over the snow because they couldn’t go through it. It was a beautiful and amazing display of nature showing us her fiercest and finest.

But, I also discovered, as much as I whine and moan about wanting to just be alone and away from the rest of the world, I very much need the option to rejoin it at any time should I choose to do so. When the driveway is under two feet of snow, and the subdivision isn’t much better, and the main roads aren’t much better, you don’t have that option. You’re pretty much stuck at home cocooning.

I think I handled it fairly well, but all day Saturday I paced the house, looking out the windows, watching the initial thaw and melt, which took two feet of snow down to one foot, but still didn’t do much for the driveway. Because once you’re trapped, your mind starts playing out all sorts of awful scenes: What if the Boyfriend needs a hospital, what if I fall and hurt my new bionics and need emergency care, what if we run out of onions, what if what if what if what if until you drive yourself a tad crazy and tell yourself “sit your ASS DOWN”.

So instead of blissing out in my solitude and enjoying the company of my Boyfriend and dogs, I just hovered on the edge of anxiety most of Saturday. Which was fairly stupid since I don’t like going out in bad weather, to the store or anywhere else, because most of Kentucky cannot drive in bad weather unless they’re on a tractor, and it’s just safer and more comfortable inside.

In any case, by yesterday, Sunday, the snow was slush and we were able to make it out of the driveway and into town for no apparent reason except I needed to verify that option.

On one hand I make this big deal about wanting the world to Leave Me Alone and on the other hand I obviously feel a need to be able to venture into said world whenever I choose to do so. The choosing may be the issue here, and the ability to make the choice. I have no idea. But I feel there is a lesson in there somewhere, waiting for me to recognize it and learn it.

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