Back To Normal

So, we’ve just spent nearly five months dealing with my new bionics, plus a recent week-long stay in the hospital for the Boyfriend due to a missed diagnosis that turned out to be heart issues rather than goddamn asthma symptoms, (I’m sorry, but most asthma doctors in Nowhere, Kentucky are just dumbasses who were not smart enough to specialize in plastic surgery), but we’re now both home safe and sound and looking forward to a week from today when hopefully, if all goes as planned, we’ll both be back to work and on our regular schedules and everything will be back to normal.

Except “Normal” is relative, and there’s no f**king way either one of us has any plans to allow our “Normal” to be the same as the “Normal” it was previously.

I, personally, refuse to deal with any serious amount of bullshit at work.  I’m just riding through the next few years until we finally get to retirement, and then I’m out, and I do not give a flying shit if I personally cannot improve my little piece of the pie in Kentucky State Government or not, because I’ve given it my best shot for over 20 freaking years and all I have to show for it is two new bright shiny hip replacements and an obsessive compulsion to try to change things that I have no control over.  So I’m letting that go, and choosing to focus on just putting in my hours every day, and making it through until the next weekend or the next paid holiday, just like everyone else.  I still want to be the best I can be, but I’m not going to let the 1,000 little everyday aggravations come home with me anymore and keep me up at night.  I truly do not give a shit.  My priorities have changed, and I’ve realized that my “career” in state government isn’t considered much of a “career” by  anyone but myself.  It’s just a f**king job.

Meanwhile, the Boyfriend has been so overworked and underpaid for the past five years that he’s considering not signing his contract for next year.  Or maybe he will.   Or maybe he won’t.

The point is, it only takes  few small events that might have been major events in other circumstances, and probably were/are much more major than I allow myself to acknowledge, to make one reevaluate.   And no matter what happens, our Back to Normal will be anything except the Normal we’re accustomed to.  We’ll go through our days, and do what we need to do, but I expect what goes on in our heads will (hopefully) be something new and different and much more selfish and smart and joyful.

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