Okay, so, upon overnight reflection, I realize there is no possible way for me to completely give up my lifelong work ethic and become a typical State Government Slug. It is just not going to happen, no matter how much I rant and rave and beat my chest. You can’t suddenly become someone you’re not. I care too much about myself, and as a result, I have to care about what I do in order to feel good about myself and my life.
So, even if my Career is really just another Administrative Pencil Pushing Job that really does Not Matter Much in the big picture of things, I still have to accept that I matter in the big picture of things, that I have a meaning here and some worth whether I know what the hell it is or not, that there is a reason for my being, and therefore, my job is at least vaguely important in that it helps me pay the bills and feed myself and survive in a society that isn’t very nice to those who can’t pay their bills or feed themselves.
It may be a Job, and a crappy Job at that, but for me, it’s my Career, because I’ve been doing it for over 20 years and I’ve worked very hard and literally climbed up the ladder from the most basic, entry-level position to one of some vague authority.
I can, however, attempt to change my attitude about said Career, to one that causes me less stress and more laughter, less angst and more joy. I don’t have to be freaking excited about my job each and every day, but if I am excited every once in awhile, that’s a good thing. I certainly don’t have to suffer the slings and arrows of bullshit and micro-management, and have every right to stand up and say “hey, I don’t think so”. If I can just relax, and ride the groove of the universe instead of letting ineffective politics and poor management rule my personal happiness, I think I just might come out of this Fine.