It’s amazing how quickly our lives change. When we’re in the midst of crisis, everything is horrible awful terrible terrifying please make it stop bad, but once it does stop, suddenly, everything is coming up roses for you and for me and some built-in defense mechanism we have quickly allows us to forget how bad it was just recently.
For example, last night I was looking over my bank statement for my debit card over the past month, and there were dozens of small charges on it that normally wouldn’t have been there, and I realized “oh, that’s from when the Boyfriend was in the hospital two weeks ago and I was buying soft drinks and snacks and coffee and meals on the fly and I paid for everything with my debit card because I didn’t have any cash with me and was too exhausted to consider finding an ATM, even though I’m sure there were several scattered throughout the hospital”. And his condition wasn’t horribly serious, and I was always well convinced he was in good medical hands and well on his way to recovering and coming home after only a brief stay, which he was and he did, but still, while it’s going on, your entire inner world becomes something dark and scary and worthy of a Stephen King novel.
And then he comes home. And he gets better. And better. And more better. Every day.
And suddenly it’s two weeks later, and everything is mostly back to normal. He’s moving a little slower, and he’s still regaining his strength, and he will continue to do so over the next several months most likely. But I don’t feel he’s in any major physical danger, so long as he takes care of himself and listens to his body and sits his ass down when he’s tired, which he does and he does and he does.
And right now, my life is pretty good. Two weeks ago, it wasn’t. And I’ve almost completely blocked the wasn’t out of my brain because I so much prefer the is of right now. I don’t think it’s denial. I think it’s human nature.