Green Pants

So, I’m walking down the street here in Nowhere, Kentucky, and I hear a conversation behind me:

“Look, there’s Steve!”

“I don’t think that’s Steve.”

“Of course it’s Steve! Who else would wear green pants like that!”

And she runs up behind me and spins me around and then says accusingly “You’re Not Steve!”

And then, just to make it all really weird, she asks me “Do you Know Steve?”

And I just nod my head in the negative, and walk away quickly, because I’m ABOUT TO START READING HER BEADS FOR BAD-TALKING MY GODDAMN PANTS.

Kelly Green.  Izod.  Walking Shorts.  Nothing outrageous.  Not uncommon.  But because I’m walking here in Nowhere, Kentucky, I must be someone else because nobody else would wear something anything like these perfectly normal green shorts on a warm spring day.

Stupid Bitch.

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