Wheel of Fortune

So, we get stuck watching Wheel of Fortune fairly often, while waiting for Jeopardy to come on the air, because we can only stand the first 5 or 10 minutes of our local news before we get disgusted at yet another car crash or accidental child shooting or drug overdose, so the choice of choices in that particular time slot is Vanna and Pat, because we still watch Network Television.

One notices a decidedly different quality of player on the Wheel, as opposed to Jeopardy.  On the Wheel, the only males who ever play are dumb straight guys or gay guys who are not the brightest crayons in the rainbow box of colors.  Usually, males do not win this game.

Women are either fat and white or pinched and white or black and fabulous.  White women seldom win, because the puzzles are just too darn hard, but fabulous black women are here to play and know their stuff and usually win the whole shebang.

The game is obviously fixed.  There is no statistical way that “Bankrupt” could come up as often as it does otherwise.  If the dumb straight guy or the dull gay guy or the non-fabulous white woman starts to win too many rounds, POW, there’s Bankrupt to save the day, because this is a game show, dammit, and we want our winners to be fabulous.  But sometimes, if the dumb straight guy is vaguely hot, or the dull gay guy is not hot enough to be threatening, or if the white woman is dressed in an even vaguely appropriate manner for game-show television instead of Saturday Night At The Bimbo Olympics, they might actually have a chance and the fabulous black woman will get Bankrupt.  In any case, you can always tell early who is the top dog of the day based on the other two Bankrupting out early on.

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